Saturday, August 5, 2017

I Told You So

Oh don't we all love to hear that line or the smirk on someones face when they are saying to themselves.......

I Told You So! 


I was recently told that by someone that I love and respect so much about adopting my 3 (troubled) kids from the Foster System. WOW...  ok to be honest my first feeling was shock, then it went to anger and after I thought about it for a minute, ok I have PEACE about it. 

Why did it turn to peace? Well I did what the Lord was asking me to do, I was listening to what He wanted and not what my selfish mind was telling me! I mean I always had adoption in the back of my mind because I was told that having kids would be very difficult because of a tilted uterus. Ok maybe that was TMI so I will stop and get back to the story. :-)

Hubby was adopted and since we met later in life we mentioned it as a possibility. Well I will not go into how that all came about (that is a whole other post) but lets just say it fell into place and in the end we adopted 3 kids from our local (much broken) Foster system.



Without airing to much of their private stories stories, each child has their own "special" needs and we were ok with that. I for one knew I had my faith with me so the Lord would be here for what ever I would go through and He would give me the strength to deal with what ever it was that would come along. 

WOW..........

I went into this with being scared, excited, nervous, worried but knowing strongly that this was Gods path! He would keep us strong and keep us heading the the right direction. 



Today I am dealing with the after effects of abuse, drug addicted kids from their Bio Moms and just plain neglect that has changed these kids way of processing normal every day things. We can put all kinds of labels on these issues, we have to for insurance purposes but lets just say they are all on that lovely Autism spectrum. 

Some more then others, but still we move forward trying to do the right things for our little blessings from God! Then BAM..... things are moving in a very scary direction for one of our kids. We got some kind of treatment 2 times already but here we sit with the same issues, just as strong and just as disruptive to our lives, even the lives of the rest of the kids in our family. 


Lets he honest here, I pray and I have my faith! I ask God for all kind of knowledge, peace and strength but it is not coming!!! Still I pray....every day! asking for help as I feel I am about to lose my mind. This is plain honesty people....I feel like running away from all of this!!! I feel I am about go crazy and have a breakdown! OUCH that hurts to admit it, I am weak and at a loss! Horrible to say but my mind it filled with way to escape to freedom. I am not happy to admit this but it is real life and it is RAW!




I do feel that I am in a very dark place right now, I do admit I am questioning my faith at this point, wondering if this was NOT part of His plan after all! 



Then I am reminded of my faith and I feel there is a little battle that I am fighting with the enemy right now but scared I can fall either way. I try to keep the lyrics of one of my favorite Christian songs in my head. It is Revelation by Third Day:

Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do
Cause I've been trying to find my way,
I haven't got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without You
I've got nothing without You


This song sure has helped me know that at times we do get lost, we need to be redirected and that each time we come back stronger. Right now I have a glimmer of hope that we are all learning something in this rough season of our lives and in the end it will work out as He has planned. I am not lost, He knows the plans.... What I am lost in, is how to handle this in my own way, my own mind and in my own timing.  That is NOT His plan and I can not trust in my own nor should I. 

If I listened so closely to what He told me a while back then I know I am still working His plan! Maybe He wants me to break so I can do more hard work that is coming along for us. 

My life,
Has led me down this path that's ever winding
Through every twist and turn I'm always finding,
That I am lost again (I am lost again)
Tell me when this road will ever end.....




So I stay, I pray and I try to hold on! I will do the very best that I can with the Lords help, my family and my friends. That is all I can do at this point. I will take one day at a time, dealing with this anger that I am holding inside, this hurt, this deep sadness and hope that one day it will be lightened enough by my Lord but only when He sees fit to do so.



It is ok that I was told I TOLD YOU SO because it was/is our plan, the Lord put it before us and it will work out as it should. We might not know or even want to know how it will work out but if I stay on His path I am were I need to be!!!!

Sorry guys, this was a little heavy but I feel I needed to share with others. Maybe someone else is feeling this sadness and heaviness of life right now. Knowing others are are here and going through the same thing and that it is ok.  Keep your Faith.....Keep HIS plans!



If you are still here reading, thank you! Leave me a comment to say hello and let me know how you are doing?



I hope you have a great great day......

Be Blessed,
Debra


9 comments:

  1. I am praying for you to have the strength to get through this. You are always in my thoughts and prayers

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, I really appreciate it hun.... :-)

      Delete
  2. I think as a mom we feel if we can't fix every problem our children face we are a failure. In reality all we can do is our very best, try to get the help they need and pray. I was told years ago that my reactions to your fathers drinking caused you more problems than his drinking did. I don't know what the answers are but I pray that the Lord will lead your way. I love you and support you in all you do because all you do is done with love.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Mom, your my biggest fan.... :-) I love you with all my heart.

      Delete
  3. Life delivers us so much joy and happiness yet it also gives us unimaginable heartache - I understand the depth of your pain. I have felt it myself alone in my misery I waited for any intervention from anywhere... it seemed to never come... but something happened the smallest glimmer of hope appeared, not that I noticed then but one step lead to another until I didn't noticed things got better.. little things most people would find piddling, but It was progress... it will come don't wait for it.. you won't see it at first but it will come. My hearts breaks thinking of your your selflessness and how much you're dealing with ... your questions are real as is your pain... I pray for your peace -- and your heart to find its joy again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Val thank you so much! I am blessed in having your friendship and I an so grateful for your understanding! I will take as many prayers as people want to send my way..... LOL Thanks again for your blessings my dear friend. :-)

      Delete
  4. We go through difficult times, do not give up on praying.God is faithful and He will fulfill the desires of your heart. Please check https://sisterwithvision.com/2017/03/13/does-god-answer-prayer/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you hun for your kind words, the Lord will always be with me and in my silence I can start "talking" to Him again. Thank you for the link and I will go check it out now... Have a great day. :-)

      Delete
    2. Thank you for visiting,have a great day too.

      Delete

Thanks for stopping by today, please let me know you were here. I hope you have a great day.