Sunday, February 25, 2018

A Soft Place to Land {part 1}

Happy Sunday All, I know things have been slow around these parts but today I wanted to stop in to share a little bit of my heart today......

A Soft Place to Land

Well I am not really sure how or what this post will look like as I have so many things rolling around in my head this morning.  I sometimes find it hard to properly write down how I am feeling or better yet I struggle with giving it the right words, those things that are hard to say. Thing you don't want to say out loud because then it become "real".  Once you say them, you feel some what better inside but now the issue is real and in front of you.

Ok let me step back a bit, some of you guys know our past and how we became a party of 5 but I will just give my new followers a little back story. Though to really understand I would have to go WAY back and that is for another time. LOL

Back in 2011 we opened our home to the Foster Care system. Fast forward to 2013, we adopted 2 sweet boys and in 2015 we adopted a beautiful girl, through the system. All my kids are such beautiful and unique little people but growing up fast, right before you eyes.

We are a mixed family for sure and nothing is more beautiful but there is so much more that comes along with adopting a child of trauma, lets face it, every child that has been in the foster system knows all to well how rough life can be and they carry that with them. Showing up as so many other things (medically) and sometimes it presents itself in very hard behaviors.  

I have to say that though you go through those classes and learn so much about child development, you don't really go over that devastation that comes along with it. The huge change to your life, the twisting of your world and then it blows it into a million little pieces.  WOW...... yeah they better not teach you that in those classes! LOL But I do think they should provide you with more support, backup and resources that will better fit the needs of this new family. 

As you might guess that these little lives have seen so much more then most of us will see in a lifetime and they have done it before the age of a fully developed brain and ways to cope, which leads to their behavior that they grow to live with. I can not explain it all but if you want to learn more about "kids from hard places" you can check out Empowered to Connect with Karyn Purvis or Karyn Purvis Institute that can give you some insight into TBRI (Trust-Based Relational Intervention). They also call it PACE therapy (Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy), which both makes the ever important CONNECTION to your child. That is the big thing these kids are missing, making a connection to someone that WILL be there for them when all they knew was that people constantly let them down, did not care for them or had other issues going on that prevented them from being able to make that connection or being able to rely on an adult. What is etched in their minds is the only person they can rely on is themselves!!! The problem comes up when they take all that on without having a fully developed brain that can cope, reason and process all this information.  

Well we wondered why our kids were not responding to traditional ways of correction or punishments, we learned about how early trauma changes the brain in order for these little lives to keep living, working on ways to survive in this crazy world they were thrown into. 

Fast forward..........

How happy we all are that we have become family, we celebrate the adoption and decorate their rooms just the way they want them.  Have parties with other family to welcome them, make them feel like they are so important and welcomed......As it should be! 

As for me, I have faith in the Lord above and felt this was my direction that I was lead to go in. You might feel the same way, or not. You might have another higher power that you honor and give praise to. That has nothing to do with loving on a child and making a family, nor is it my place to judge such things. The most beautiful thing is people showing love to other people, just like the bible says.

I have prayed over and over again to give me strength during this process and I do get what I need to keep moving forward while dealing with all these ingrained trauma issues that keep popping up but yesterday I got hit hard, smack dab in the middle of this Momma heart! Hearing that when emotions run high the kids feel it and react within their own trauma issues. That can look like bad behavior, feeling like they will not be with us forever. 

My therapist basically said to me yesterday that I was the one making them act up! What, really......ok that was hard enough to hear and now I have to change how I process my stress and react.... OK I know this has to be done or else this trauma therapy will fail. OUCH to hear these words that are saying I am not good enough to help these kids hurts!!! All I wanted to do was help them, so me and my wounded pride was just humbled! Right now I am in my little pity party, I WILL come out of it and move forward with the help of our trauma therapist. But not after I get my full pity party done with. LOL 

I have always worn my heart on my sleeve and I don't know how to NOT do that so the kids only see a secure and happy Momma.........wait a minute now I need to figure out how I do that and still keeping my heart soft to these little souls that need this connection so badly to heal. 

Well I do have more to say about this but I think that I will stop here for now, I am dealing with this, praying and asking the Lord what direction for me to move in to learn more about who I need to be for my kids. (dealing with my own issues before I can help them) 

Now giving myself a couple of days to "feel" it and then I will be pulling up my boots and heading into the muddy pit to join my kids, figuring and learning as we go along.

If you come this far, thank you for letting share with you a little part of this crazy life. Sometimes along the way we find out that we are all broken and that is ok..... it is time for some healing.

My eyes have to look up, pray and ask for His help. Push into Him more because I do believe that on the other side of the ugliness there is a beautiful place, making sure I watch hard to see those beautiful peeks while moving along this journey. 

PART 2 to follow shortly.......

I hope you all have a great day....



  1. Such tough roads have many blessings, my son and daughter in law have been fostering also. Handing back the babies is so tough, we pray that they are safe and well cared for but in your heart you know some just aren't going to be.

    1. Yes it was so hard on the heart for sure, we went into it knowing that we would adopt the kids that were able to be. We had some fosters that we knew couldn't stay and those can be hard as well. Yes it is hard after caring to not be able to see how they are doing, we had many like that and my friend has as well. That hurts the loving heart for sure.

      Thanks for stopping in to share and comment, I hope you have a great day. :-)


Thanks for stopping by today, please let me know you were here. I hope you have a great day.